Thursday, May 2, 2019

Blue Pages — RRRAINNN Special 12 — Carlos Arturo Serrano

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Talent Show

Thank you, Miss Transnistria; that was some amazing tightrope walking.

Now let's all give a warm welcome to Miss Trash Isles, the lovely Patricia Pinniped. Tonight, she'll delight us with her personal innovation: the juggling of soda cans on all four fins.

Patricia Pinniped had to overcome a mountain of legal difficulties to even be admitted to the 2072 Miss Universe Pageant. As a mutated seal, she wouldn't even be recognized as a citizen of her own country. It was only thanks to an obscure legal precedent invoked by her attorney, the late and venerable scholar Wendy Urodela, that the United Nations agreed to grant Miss Pinniped full personhood.

Miss Pinniped is showing excellent balance with those soda cans. The art of juggling has never seen such flexibility! Now she's alternating between her front and back fins! She's a master!

That determination was useful to Miss Pinniped when she faced her next challenge: admission to the United Nations Military School.

Academic officers protested that absolutely no exceptions could be made about wearing the mandatory uniform, even for an intelligent seal without hands or feet, but the lengthy human rights lawsuit that ensued was ruled on Miss Pinniped's favor, and her natural swimming skills helped her become one of the most notable members of the International Navy.

She then embarked on a diplomatic career that gained international recognition for three more maritime republics: Neustonia in the North Atlantic Ocean, Pollutistan in the Indian Ocean, and New Wasteland in the Arctic Ocean. Our audience will surely remember the spectacular series of matches that led the multilegged Cephalopods of New Wasteland to win the 2070 World Cup.

And now, the final act!

She’s balancing all the soda cans on her snout! Absolutely amazing! Now, with a quick neck movement, she throws the cans into the air and lets them fall into her mouth. Surely a steady diet of plastic in her home country prepared her for this moment!

Thank you, Miss Trash Isles. Our next contestant is Miss Triton, who will demonstrate her nerves of steel with her zero-gravity target practice…

Carlos Arturo Serrano

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